The day I figured that I loved you

It’s true what this say, these things don’t usually announce themselves on a calendar. There’s no alarm clock ringing the sound of these important events, no billboard to prepare you for what’s ahead. But they’re big. And they change you.

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It was a seemingly ordinary day, nothing particular in the air… But then again, that’s usually when these things happen.

It’s also funny and ironic, because I had sworn to forget you that summer; I was intent on leaving the past behind. No luck, I guess. But what past? Perhaps a few conversations.  In hindsight, there wasn’t much to part with.

I was on my way to the hospital and we bumped into each other. You were merry whereas I had barely slept the night before; you were way too cheerful for what I could handle on this September morning… But there was something endearing in the  way you smiled, in the way you said hello to passers-by, and the way the sunlight kissed your face; in your odd child-like innocence taking in the world in all its glory. Walking with you made me happy.

You, being the usual odd bird- always had been- and as soon as I thought I had figured you out, you would go on and surprise me again. I marvelled in these endless new discoveries… I’m a scientist after all, curious by nature, and you always kept me on my toes, guessing, getting it wrong, trying again. I knew that with you I would never be bored, there would always be more to know, more to ask, more to strive for. Sometimes I’d look at you unsure of whether you were real, and even today I wonder if you are. The jury is still deliberating.

I don’t know why you stopped in mid-stride, but then you turned to me with the same eyes I’d had looking at you; full of amazement and marvel. And maybe you did love me for a second. I allowed myself to believe it for that time. Let it be.

I guess I’ll never know.

I guess it doesn’t matter.

And the truth is, I don’t know why I love you. But maybe that doesn’t matter either. Maybe I just do, and that is all I need to know. “One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving” as Paulo Coelho so wisely said it.

So that’s that.

p.s.: this doesn’t mean you aren’t a HUGE pain in the butt. So… you’re not off the hook or anything…

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